Overview of Relationship Awareness
Theory
Relationship Awareness Theory, like many psychological theories, holds that all people want to have relationships with other people. From birth, human infants seek positive connections with their care-givers. It is through interactions and relationships with others that we exist and that our world has meaning. Therefore, our behaviors are expressions of this desire to be connected with others. Relationship Awareness Theory looks at how we go about establishing and maintaining these relationships in order to have a positive sense of ourselves and our value as a person.
It is part of the human condition to attribute motive to others' behavior. Relationship Awareness Theory is a self-learning model for effectively and accurately understanding and inferring the motive behind the behavior.
Relationship Awareness Theory is a Motivational Theory which addresses the motives that are behind everyday behavior when we are relating to others. Like Freudian theory, it assumes that there is meaning behind all behavior. By shifting our focus from only looking at behavior to looking at the motive behind the behavior, we can gain a clearer understanding of ourselves and others.
In Relationship Awareness Theory we look at behavior in the following way:
- Behaviors are tools used to get some result or confirm our sense of self-worth. These tools are also used to ward off things we do not want.
- Motives come from our wish to feel a strong sense of self-worth or self-value.
- Our individual Motivational Value System is consistent throughout our life and underpins all of our behaviors.
Traditional writing about motivation describes motives as something that can be inspired in others. In Relationship Awareness Theory, motives are thought of as already present in every person and readily available to be tapped.
In Relationship Awareness Theory we look at motives as a basic antecedent of behavior. In other words, motives in this theory are the "why" of what we do. People are born with a predisposition for a particular motive set. Throughout childhood and adolescence a person may receive positive or negative feedback regarding their Valued Relating Style. The degree of finesse that a person has with their Valued Relating Style is then, a function of the opportunities they have had to use and refine their use of their personal strengths, thus consolidating their Valued Relating Style by late adolescence or early adulthood. The Motivational Value System is seen as unchanging over the course of a lifetime.
People are seen as either using their Valued Relating Style and feeling empowered and rewarded, or using a non-preferred style and feeling devalued and unrewarded. If the environment provides opportunities for an individual to use their Valued Relating Style and rewards the subsequent behavior, the individual usually reports feeling good about him or herself and good about their relationships. Their sense of self-esteem rises and their sense of well-being is enhanced. If, on the other hand, the person is consistently denied the opportunity to use their Valued Relating Style, there can be serious consequences. Research has shown that people whose jobs require behavior that is inconsistent with their Motivational Value System report significantly more health problems such as headaches, high blood pressure, stomach problems, etc.
Relationship Awareness Theory identifies seven general themes or clusters of motives. In looking at these clusters, we notice that certain behaviors are associated with each cluster. The behaviors, however, are not unique to any particular cluster. For example, one of the clusters has to do with a desire to be altruistic and nurturing. People who are motivated by this desire tend to exhibit behaviors that are seen by others as being helpful. Helpful behavior, though, can be exhibited by people who have other motive clusters. The difference is one of frequency. People who are motivated by a desire to be altruistic and nurturing are likely to behave more frequently in ways that are helpful to others than people who have other motive clusters. There is also more consistency over time in exhibiting helpful behaviors by those who are motivated by a desire to be altruistic and nurturing.
These clusters are called Motivational Value Systems. There are seven identifiable styles of relating to others when things are going well for an individual. Four of these are primary types of strengths and three are blends of the primary types of strengths. These will be described in more depth later in this manual.
It is assumed that every individual has some quantity of each of the personal strengths in their makeup. The degree of each strength varies from individual to individual. In other words, no two people are exactly alike, even when the personal strengths that they use most frequently are the same.
A main teaching goal for trainers using the SDI or the PVI is to help trainees begin to look at the "why" of their own or another person's behavior. This can be seen when trainees begin to ask questions such as, "Would this situation be gratifying to someone whose motives are primarily Altruistic-Nurturing?" or "Would an Assertive-Directing person find this task rewarding?"
Remember that one of the guiding principles of Relationship Awareness Theory is that each person is seen as the expert on him or herself. The inventories produced by Personal Strengths Publishing are intended to provide learning experiences where the learner discovers important information about him or herself. The position of the effective trainer is that of the guide in this discovery process.
